The Weight of Depression: Jason Magee’s Story of Struggle and Hope

In today's episode, I sit down with Jason McGee, who shares his 15-year struggle with depression and weight loss, and then takes his first dose of a weight loss drug, live on air. I don't love my body because this is not my body. Once an extremely fit college soccer player, Jason now faces daily challenges to take a toll on his health and his self-worth. I stand cross-section of emotions that creates the cycle of, oh, I hate myself. Let me eat. Eat and eat and eat. Not until I'm full. I eat until I'm almost ready to throw up and I just keep force-feeding myself. Somebody asked me, where do you see yourself?

In five years, I'm like, I don't. But today, Jason is ready for a change. I'm ready to not feel that way anymore. Just be able to dream again. Join us as we explore Jason's journey, the struggles, and the hope that comes with taking the first step towards change. You're going to take Wigavy, the GLP1 inhibitor. You just received your first dose. Yes. I just received my first dose and been on a weight-gaming journey. So to speak, for the last 15 to 20 years, my health has gotten severely, gotten severe health problems because of my weight specifically. Also, cigarettes and any other stuff, but mostly my weight.

Just it's been this long journey of fighting a depression. Yeah. So to speak. That's how I've gotten there. So I'm excited to take this first dose to try and find something that helps me not feel hungry. Right. So you're going to take your first dose on air today. On air today. I'm going to inject myself. Okay. Right in stomach. Yeah. Yeah. And this is going to be an interview like I've never done before because we're just going to talk about how you are feeling today, how you came to this point where you decided to take this drug and then we're going to follow up in three to six months and see how things are going and what's happened on the weight loss journey.

Right. Perfect. How much did you weigh in college when you were a college athlete, a soccer player? No less. All American soccer player. That's right. That's right. Yeah. I weighed anywhere between 150 and 155. Yeah. Was my weight and that was me being fully athletic running six miles, seven miles a day watching everything that I ate working out in the gym and being younger. I was a stronger metabolism. Yeah. And after I stopped playing because of injury, a story of 95% of the college athletes out there, I still had habits that I continued where it was working out, but I didn't watch what I ate.

Yeah. And then that led to a little bit of weight gain. And then so I'm eating horribly and fighting a lifelong, essentially depression. Yeah. Where when I felt bad, I ate. Some people don't eat when they feel bad. I ate when I feel bad. And it was a, I was self-medicating with food. And that's a learned behavior. Unfortunately, my mother also self-medicated with food for her stuff. So this is all kind of learned and passed on. Yeah. Well, it's the obesity gene and what have you and the more the ability to be the game waiting this way. And how much do you weigh today? Today. Well, the last doctor visit had me at 365 pounds.

Okay. Okay. So so your century essentially carrying around an extra 200 pound person from when you were 22 years old. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. And that has led to on top of numerous physical problems. Emotionally, that's the worst part. Right. Because I know that I'm carrying this, this humongous person on me and it doesn't fit my frame. And it's just, it's very, very difficult. But I have pre-diabetic and that leads to when I eat, I get groggy, ready to fall asleep and just in general blasaneness. Yeah. And it's hard to be motivated for anything. When it sounds like the eating starts with the depression.

Yeah. But then as you gain weight, that adds to the depression. So you're entering into a very negative self-reinforcing cycle. Absolutely. We know that some people have, who are large or bigger people love their body. Right. And that, and that is, you can't dispute that at all. Sure. I don't love my body. Right. Because this is not my body, essentially. This is not how my body is operated. And that leads to a lot of self-loathing. Yeah. And self-loathing and depression. And there's a whole history of depression and where that comes from. The self-loathing and not feeling worthy and stuff like that.

And then nothing fits. Right. And then it's like, you look at your clothes and all of your t-shirts are stretched out weirdly. And you're like, oh, wow, does that happen? It's like, oh, because you're always tugging at them to cover your stomach. Oh. So it doesn't look big. And then you buy bigger clothes. Right. And you look even bigger. Yeah. And it just, and then it's that cycle when you feel, and then you feel bad. And you eat. Yeah. I wish I felt bad and worked out. Or didn't eat. But my thing is I eat. Yeah. And it's not just needing it's a binge eating. Tell what is binge eating look like?

So binge eating looks like to me is you get a large pizza and I eat and eat and eat. Not until I'm full. I eat until I'm almost ready to throw up. Uh-huh. But I don't. And then I just let that sit in and I just keep force feeding myself. Yeah. In those moments. Yeah. And it's sort of with ice cream. Okay. It's not a pie. It's not half a pint of Ben and Jerry's. It's two pints of Ben and Jerry's after the pizza. Okay. So it's just force feeding myself on these moments in really short moments and typically late at night. Yeah. So then I just pass out. And all those calories then don't have anything to do but go to my body.

Because I'm not walking. I'm not doing anything. Not a work. That's the binge eating part. Yeah. That's how I eat to feel better. Yeah. When myself feels sick, I feel better. Yeah. Yeah. When you picture yourself in your mind's eye, what do you see? That's a tough one because like when I was younger playing soccer and stuff like that professionally, I see myself as awesome. As that young fit guy. Fit guy. Yeah. And I'm awesome. Yeah. I'm good at what I do and people like being around me and stuff like that. Yeah. When I look at myself in the mirror out of that context, since I was 15, I've hated what I see.

Huh. Being really good at soccer and having that take me all over the country and different opportunities, that made me feel great. Or when I would go surf or something like that, that would make me feel really good. Yeah. If it's not that, then I absolutely detest who I am. Yeah. And it's a weird thing because all of my, you know, you being one of my friends and you all would say that would be crazy that I would should ever feel that way about myself. And nobody's and that comes from a history of, you know, parental history. Yeah. Where that was instilled. But it's just I never felt worthy. I've never felt like I was worthy if I wasn't doing professionally or in those spaces.

When I'm alone, I hate myself. Yeah. Yeah. That's OK. There's a lot to unpack there. There's a lot to unpack there. That's just one. One at a time here. I think one, I would say in my mind's eye because I played soccer with you in college. I over the in the intervening 20 years. We have texted consistently all through that time, right? And we see each other in person every so often, but not like back then. So in my mind's eye, when I am texting with you, I still see the lightning fast, dominating soccer player that could could run and run and run. And I mean, that's the guy I see. And I also see a very well dressed put together guy because you really had an impeccable fashion sense.

And we're really into style. It is interesting now that you look so different and that style is not there either, maybe because you don't have those same options with the clothes you can buy. The desire. Right. That's what I was going to ask. Yeah. It's the desire because you don't see yourself that way anymore. No. I mean, the wait for me has taken over all of that now. So now I just I don't like what I see and how I feel at all. Yeah. And any moments and you run up to over the 20 years, we, you know, you all are married, have kids. Yeah. I'm the only one in our group who doesn't have that. Yeah.

And that's because of how I feel about myself, right? And thus in texting form, I can still be that for me texting has allowed me to still be that person to you guys, my friend group. And that's because being in person, it hurts. Yeah. Because of anything that you guys would ever do, sure, it would never, it would never be that way. It's just that I'm, I feel gross. Yeah. Going in or I feel like God, these guys have had everything in their life is every, you know, they're all happy. They're all successful and everything. And it's just like, yeah, and it's this. Yeah. And that has led to me not seeing you guys.

Right. You know, in person, person, right. We've had meetups or things like that. Oh, I had to work and yes, and there are times when my job literally had me working, you know, in a ridiculous fashion and TV. Sure. But there are other times where it was like, I can't make it. It's an excuse. You can use an excuse. Oh, yeah. I have. And it was, and I've always felt awful about that. So yeah, this is actually weird, like kind of like, you know, expression to you all. I know it's basically because of how awful and how I see myself wasn't, I didn't fit in. Right. It was like, oh, you're going to be there and you're not going to fit in.

Right. You're not going to fit in. You're going to feel weird. You're going to feel awkward. And well, just so you know, we do all want you to hang out as much as possible. But I also am grateful that you're expressing all of this because I think there are a lot of people across the country and around the world that feel the same way and that aren't able to express it. And this is helpful to them. And along those lines, one thing, the reason I brought up the fashion a little while ago is that yeah, I still see you as that guy on text message as we alluded to. And in person, now you dress in a way that is almost like to blend into the wall and want to not draw attention to yourself.

And then we'll exit social occasions very quickly. You make an appearance so that ever, you know, you're still in touch and everybody knows there's still love there. But then it's just like, hey, I got to go. And then, and then sneak out of there. And that you're saying is down to all these feelings of feeling less than less than and and also just physically not being able to have the stamina to stay somewhere and be engaged and be personable and have a smile on my face for a certain amount of time. Yeah. And then you need to get back to because it's like self loathing and you're not good enough is calling saying, no, come on.

You've done that. You've done that for a little bit. Come home now. That's awkward for you. Right. Come back to being come back to where you feel comfortable. So what does that look like when? Okay, you're at the social occasion. You hear the self loathing calling and what happens after that? It's quickly, let's get home. And it's on the way back, it's feeling, oh my God, it's so glad to see all of my friends. I love them so much. And the love that I have for this group of friends is the like tremendous. And I always think I'm so happy. Yeah. I'm so glad I just got to see them. And I get home and it's an hour later.

And that feeling is God, you're a piece of shit. You don't have anything in your life going that nearly as good as that. And you're, you're fake. You're, you're, you're fake. That's not you. You're, you know, you're gross. You don't fit in. And it's eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. Right. Smoke, drink, drink, go to put myself to sleep. Yeah. And then wake up and, you know, do it again. It's, it's a cycle and, you know, and that's what it is. It's this gratefulness that I have this tremendous group of friends who are supportive of everybody, you know, like. Absolutely. I think is Steve's. Yeah. And very close.

Yeah. In such, in such a different way that I don't think a lot of people are with groups that they went to college with. Being that thick and that connected to one another on a daily basis. Oh, yeah. I mean, like a daily basis about everything and everything. And we're all very connected as if we lived on the same street. Right. I mean, there are 10 messages a day, minimum on that thread. Absolutely. Yeah. But it's like, but then I just didn't, I don't feel like I'm worthy of that level of friendship or that level of love. I can't, it's hard to, it's not hard for me to give that love to you all, but accepting it and taking it to heart.

I can accept it and know it's there, but I can't believe it. Like the receiving of it. Right. And the receiving of it to believe it, it's not there. Yeah. And it sparks that negative voice. And part of that is also, it's like the longstanding depression and, you know, feelings of self-worth. Yeah. That came before the body weight, right? But it's just compounded. I think to myself, what excuse do I have that I'm this, that I'm this big when everybody else has job family kids, you know, if anybody should, you know, be letting themselves go, so to speak, it would be the people with like families to take care of where they don't have time to like, you know, think about it.

I don't have any of that. So it's so, it's like, it's a comparison that I do in my head. And then all that just leads back to me not liking myself. Right. Right. Well, I take this all very seriously, but I smile when you say that because I go, it's just so not true. Look, for me, from my vantage point, I mean, I understand where you're coming from and that you're in this negative mental cycle. And yet I really believe that this is a great first step towards changing things because I know the good human you are, the kindness in your heart, all this love to give that if if you can take steps to solve some of the health problems, I think it could be absolutely transformative for what's going on upstairs, which holds you back in these other ways that you're referencing.

For sure. I mean, and there may be a school of fellow people like, well, you have to love yourself first before you love the outside. But for me, there's not this is I can't love this. It's just not how I'm built. It's not how I'm wired. I can't love this version of me. Yeah. So I need to love a version of me that actually cares about how he looks and cares about feeling good and doesn't want to force, you know, 15,000 calories into his body every couple in a couple of days a week. Yeah. So this is a jumpstart to suppressing some of that, that natural appetite that now I've developed because of years of feeding my body in a certain way.

This is going to help me hopefully to suppress some of that appetite so that I can then as I'm eating better because that's the other part of it, I can't just eat. I'm going to eat this is a whole like catalyst for a lifestyle change in that this is going to help me really say, okay, you have to change the way you eat. You have to change what you eat. And then, you know, getting up and doing something working out a little bit, you know, getting back in the ocean. Yeah. I mean, there's the healing properties. The ocean are, you know, are countless. Yeah. That's another that's where I can't be on a soccer field.

I need to be in the ocean to feel good. So one thing can get back there because you can't go in the ocean if you're 350 pounds, right? It's just not safe. Yeah. It's not safe. It's dangerous. I think one of the things that has me so excited about these drugs for people that are struggling with their weight is how difficult it is to break that cycle because of all the things you're mentioning. It's like, okay, you want to go exercise, but it's very difficult to exercise a whole lot when you're carrying around an extra 200 pounds. Yes. It's difficult to break the eating cycle because your body leans hard towards homeostasis where it's going to stay in the structure that you're in.

So it's actually going to fight back against the losing of weight. And it does seem, I mean, I'm really, really hoping there aren't long-term consequences to these drugs because it's, you can short-circuit that process. And finally, we suppress that eating. You will naturally start to lose weight through that. You're more able to exercise and then you've got a virtuous cycle going forward. I'm also on this because I'm pretty diabetic. Right. And this is something that people with diabetes type two, have, it's shown to help with type two diabetes. Absolutely. And that's, that is on top of the weight loss.

It is also trying to keep me from going into full type two diabetes, which I'm not there yet. But all of the pre-symptoms, I think a couple of decimal points from being considered fully diabetic in my blood work. But yes, you're absolutely right. It's a cycle that needs to be broken. And in terms of long-term side effects, the risk is there. But the long-term side effect to not doing this feels much more permanent and catastrophic. Sure. There's a reporter that wrote, and I'm blanking on his name right now, but I will include it in the notes for the show. He wrote a book on these drugs, weighing up the risks versus the benefits.

And he went through the same analysis for himself. And he told this great story of it's Christmas Eve, and he goes to a fried chicken joint. I believe he lived in London. And the guy at the counter says, oh my goodness, I'm so glad you're here. I've got something for you in the back. What's going on? Goes in the back. He's gone for a while. Comes out. And everybody at the fried chicken place had written a card, and they said, you're our number one customer, and Merry Christmas. And he takes his card, and he said, my heart absolutely broke because this wasn't my number one fried chicken joint. He said, Gabe, see, he was my number one.

And he realized how out of control he's eating was in that moment. And then in talking to medical professionals, they said, yeah, okay, we don't know all the long-term consequences of this drug. We do know the long-term consequences of carrying this much weight and being diabetic. And it is extremely likely that in that case, those consequences outweigh whatever we might discover with this drug in 10 years. Yeah. I mean, I'll put a humorous little spin on it. There are things when you are this large that become difficult, and you may not even know that they become difficult. Recently, I was at the doctor, got my checkup, and then I had to give a urine sample.

Okay. And they're like, okay, go into the bathroom and do urine sample. Well, the bathroom is not small, but it's small for me because I take up so much space. I have to now figure out how to negotiate my body and my angles now. And in just the most blunt terms, I'm being blind into this cup. First of all, there's, first of all, like, understand, like, you know, that's hard. Sure. Like, you know, when we, as men, we looked out and we see that, you know, oh, there it's still there. Just like, we're two years old. We looked down and we said, oh, that's still there. And, you know, and I'm now going at this blindly.

And I have my sweater that I had on in one, in over my shoulder. And I'm trying to negotiate this. And it ends up not going the way I thought. There's the sample cup received about a quarter of what it should. My sweater falls down. I'm now urinated on my cashmere sweater because I had a nice sweater on because it's a new doctor. Yeah. And I've now soiled my sweater and there's urine that now I have to clean up because it's a public bathroom. And the worst part is, is that I let out a, oh, shit. And the people who are outside waiting, the waiting room could hear me. Yeah. And I realize they could hear me because I could hear them through the walls.

Yeah. And I now get myself together and exit that bathroom. And I have to wear my sweater a certain way and I bring the sample and, you know, the dog, the nurse at the front was like, okay. And I just realized I was like, this is ridiculous. I'm now having to negotiate the basic, a basic human function. Is that negative self-talk running through your head as you exit the bathroom? It was more comical to me because, you know, peeing on yourself is funny. I've always thought that that, you know, when somebody else pees on those, it's a hoot. I knew in my head it was like, it was funny and it wasn't as depressing as you might vision based on all that I've told you now.

It was just this like, comedy of errors because of my body size. And that was just ridiculous. The story where I felt really bad. Again, it was a bathroom story. And I went to the movies with my nephew. He's like, oh, we get all this, he gets all this food. He's, you know, a young kid. But it's not shows and it's popcorn and it's a big soda and it's, you know, half of his hot dog that he doesn't eat. And it's all that stuff. And by the time the movies over, I've consumed at least 3,000 calories based on all of that and the big tub of popcorn. And I go and we used a bathroom and I can't get my pants buttoned after unbuttoning them.

Yeah. My stomach had grown. I'd eaten too much. And that was the inability to button my pants and then having to walk out of the theater holding my pants with my nephew was the worst feeling I've ever had. Yeah. Kind of funny because it's, you know, you said they're struggling. I was leaning up against the bathroom wall. Dropping in my button button. Yeah. And then I said, you know what? I don't know why I didn't wear my sweatpants that I always wear. Mm hmm. Sorry for the bathroom humor. It's on your podcast. But, you know, it's just that, those are the like things that when, you know, some people talk about, you know, how, how happy they are, I haven't figured out how to negotiate that kind of thing.

Mm hmm. Like, I can't square that. Like how to negotiate my angles and is this bathroom big enough? It's, that's horrible. It's a horrible feeling. But it's also like flying. I'll see. Mm hmm. I'll see no matter what. It has to be an aisle seat. Why? Because then I don't make the person sitting next to me feel uncomfortable because I've leaned into the aisle the entire time. Mm hmm. Because I know that getting on a flight, people are going to be like, I don't want to sit next to the fat person. I don't want to be the fat person that makes somebody uncomfortable. So I lean into the aisle and the entire flight.

Yeah. It's just, it's, it's those little things that just then make you feel, make me feel horrible. It's horrible. What other little mundane things are difficult because of the way that most people wouldn't even think of? I mean, going upstairs. Going upstairs. Now we need to make sure. I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. What's something else that needs to be addressed? Which is so bad. You know, yeah, I had biopsy on my lip. If we cut away from me for a second there is because we had a little technical difficulty and had to work around it, but such is life when you're podcasting. Yeah. I think one of the biggest things, because I'm a communicator.

When I'm on the phone, my breathing. Or if I'm in person, it's my breathing. Yeah. That is the most, it's probably one of the things that it's like it always reminds you just, reminds me just how big and how out of shape and that I am. You can hear my breathing. And I know that that is just a, people wondering if I'm going to have a heart attack because it sounds that bad. And it's like, listen to you breathing as I'm standing in line behind you. It's got to be one of the most. I don't like making people uncomfortable who are just trying to enjoy something that they're doing. Yeah. And that's probably my biggest thing is that because I can just imagine, you know, like you're trying to go somewhere, you're lying at, you know, Knott's Berry Farm and you have this guy who's behind you and I'm not doing anything.

I'm just sweating profusely in October outside and breathing super heavily. And my nephew was tapping my stomach and I can just imagine how that makes people feel a uncomfortable or a little bit like, Oh my God, you know, just a little embarrassed for me, but then a little bit just uncomfortable. Like I didn't come here to hear this dude breathing. That doesn't make me feel uncomfortable if there's someone who's large behind me in line somewhere and they're breathing heavily and whatever else they're going through. But it seems to reveal how much for you, what's going on internally because you're so self conscious about the weight and what's happening and that it's somehow imposing on others.

100% and don't give me wrong. Most people are probably within couldn't think twice about it. It's me projecting that to projecting how I feel on myself onto the onto these wonderful people. Right. You know, don't think that way. But yeah, it's it's just how uncomfortable I feel. Right. I think my discomfort is uncomfortable for other people. And on an airplane, yes, one, you know, 100% but just in general in life, I don't think people, most people think two things of it. I'm not the only one in society who looks like this, but I mean only, but I feel like I am. I feel like I'm this just like humongous growth burden and use that word a number of times it should probably find a different word just because I don't want anybody to think that that's how I view people either.

My entire view of me is just how I view me. Sure. But even those words you use to describe yourself have a mental impact over time. I mean, I thought one of the best examples I've come across recently, my cousin who was recently divorced has made the decision he's not ever going to refer to his ex wife as his ex wife because that implies conflict. And he's only going to refer to her as the mother of his children when he references her in conversation because that will reorient his brain towards back towards what's really important, which is that they still have kids they have to raise together even though they're no longer a couple.

And yeah, I think we got to find a better word than than gross. Yeah. You've got that self-taught going. Yeah, I think so. That's why using this is like a catalyst to trying to feel better about myself. And yes, there's room for therapy and I've been through that and believe heavily in it in the benefits that it produces for me. Yeah. But it's just about the motivation to go. Yeah. There's no motivation. That's the one thing. It's taken out motivation and aspiration for me and just wanting to see the world and stuff like that. And that hasn't existed for at least five years. The last place I want was Ecuador.

And I said to myself, God, I got to keep exploring this beautiful world that we have or going down and finding a bowl. Yeah. Yeah. But you just haven't crazy experiences. Yeah. But this is, it sounds like for all in every area of your life, this is bleeding into it. And suppressing motivation and aspiration. Oh, sure. Absolutely. I mean, every single area. And when somebody asks me, where do you see yourself in five years? I'm like, I don't. I don't. I don't see anything. It's not like I see something great. I don't see something bad. I just don't see anything. And I think that that's not a good way to live.

Especially because I got a niece and nephew. I love more than life itself. And I can't even imagine not seeing Lindberwaffe. But then I can't imagine what I look like. I just can't. There's just no like, there's no dreaming anymore. There's no dreaming. I don't dream. I don't, you know, that kind of thing. And I thought how to experience life. Right. And I think I can speak for all of our friends when I say this is exciting. You've made this choice for yourself because we all want you here in five years. And to be not just here, but the best healthiest version of Jason that we know. Yeah. And absolutely still there.

You're still that person. Yeah. And I want to be there because I want to see you guys and see your kids, you know, like that kids going off to college. Yeah. Soon. Yeah. You know, and she's in high school and stuff like that. When I saw them in the last time I was in person, they're in elementary school. And then I just realized like, Oh my God, I haven't seen them in person in three, four years. Like, yeah, crazy. Now earlier you mentioned that this negative cycle started back when you're 15. Yes. Had these intrusive negative thoughts began then. Where do you think that came from? I know where it came from.

I don't know. It might be too heavy for I guess we can figure it out. And as a quick disclaimer, if anyone is suffering from suicidal ideation, there is a suicide hotline. You can text 988. It is available 24 seven every day of the year. So that anyone who is in a emergency situation can always reach someone who will be able to help a great tool for anybody out there struggling with thoughts about suicide. I was 15 and severely depressed. But at that point, I was on Olympic development soccer and trajectory to being possible, you know, college soccer player. But the thing I didn't have was my father is divorced from my mother and he was inconsistent.

It inconsistent in kind of like the worst way, like not, not not there, but inconsistent to where like he would pop up or say he was popping up. And that was really hard for me to deal with. There was some other previous trauma that I had seen him be abusive and stuff like that. There was a form of abuse with that in that telling your child that you're going to be somewhere and then not coming or doing this and doing the other thing. And that was really hard for me to deal with. It was to the point where I, you know, suicide was a thought at 15, even with everything going like when somebody would look at court and plan, everything was good and good.

I worked through it with therapists and came to the conclusion that I would tell him that, you know what, I'm good. Yeah. We don't need to do this anymore. So on Christmas Eve, he came to say hi and deliver a birthday card and little Nick Mackie got from the supermarket just down the street. And I said, look, I'm good. I don't, you don't need to be do this anymore. I'm not, don't expect it. I don't want it. I'm okay. You can just go live your life. And I'm sure that was hard for him to hear, but it's not really about him at the moment. And he told me that if that's how I felt that I should slit my wrists.

Well, that's so that's where some of the people need a traumatic incident of self worth when, you know, somebody knows and he knew that that's how I felt because my mother let him know exactly everything that was going on with me and with with my sister. And my mother was always trying to get him involved and make sure that we had him in the best light, but he had this information. The most delicate, vulnerable information, right. And then used it against you when you tried to set a boundary. Yes. Well, so that was that's brutal. I don't know how many people know that. I have not heard that story before.

I've heard that story. But yeah, that was there's a lot that went into that. It shaped a lot of who I am. Some good, some bad. Yeah. So then every since then, there's always been in the back of my mind. Always there's, you know, in times where it's fighting where I fight. Why did I wake up today? I'm glad I woke up today. Why did I wake up today? So those thoughts are more like, you know, I'm lost for the warning. I'm just about talking about that. But yeah, it's like that kind of thing for me is, you know, it's been something that I've dealt with. And, you know, those feelings of I don't want to be here and don't exist what I'm eating, but they exist when I, you know, but they come back.

And now they just didn't, it takes different forms. The eating helps to self-soothe and suppress that stuff going on, just like alcohol does for some people. Absolutely. Yeah. It's food. You know, it's, it's food and it's just as destructive. Not for the rest of society, like, you know, but just internally, it's just as self-destructive, but it's, it's twofold. It's self-destructive and it's also comforting, which makes it really, really hard to get past or to like, you know, to figure out and maneuver around. Because it's, I hate myself. Let me eat a ton. Oh, but I need to feel better. Yeah. So it's that, it's that cross section of emotions that, you know, that you're in and that, that creates the cycle of eating and feeling bad and, and that kind of thing.

Looking forward. What do you think this drug, wagov is the one we're looking at, but any of these GOP one inhibitors would can substitute for it. What do you think it can possibly do for you in the future? Well, like we said, a key me from getting full-blown diabetes, controlling. I have to do more, you know, discussions with my doctor and stuff like that to get more information on everything that it'll do. But I'll be seeing an endocrinologist. That sounds good to me. And what I expected to do for me is to kind of just, is to be a Kickstarter. It's not, I don't see it as a miracle. I don't want to put too much stock in it like New Year's Eve, like New Year's Day, like a New Year's resolution because those that didn't work, you know.

I just use it as something as a, just a quick, in a weird way. It's like, it's like a little shortcut, right? Or it's like a little, just a little boost to just help me start feeling just a little bit better. Seeing a few pounds drop will be such a difference to me because all I've seen is gain. Yeah. And I mean, I don't have a scale anywhere, you know, but to feel pounds dropping or to not even just feel a little bit less hungry to me, it's just because I'm ready to make this happen. Yeah. I think that's the biggest part of this is that I'm now saying to myself, yes, all of the things that have gone on in the past, how you feel about yourself, I'm ready to not feel that way anymore.

And I think that's the most important part of this because this isn't going to make me thin. It's just going to make me give me a tool to not be as hungry so that I can do the other work that I mean to do. Right. Which is, as Dr. Paul has mentioned, is key to any of these drugs is you've got to change the, what you're eating, not just the quantity. It's got to get healthy and then hopefully that kick starts some exercise. And that's the thing. It's like, you know, I want to get out walking more and not just, and I want to stop smoking cigarettes. And that's one of the big things is, you know, but it's like one thing at a time.

There aren't a lot of people using these drugs to help quit smoking because it suppresses any of these compulsive habits. I mean, using it to quit gambling for gambling addiction. And it could be very helpful for that as well. What would it mean for you though, to lose the weight? It's about lack of burden. But there's going to be different phases. I'm going to have to get rid of my part of me that's been here for so long. So I have to come to grips with loss. I'll have to come to grips with loss and the emotions that come with loss and the emotions that come to, you know, because I've become somewhat as uncomfortable as I am in my skin.

Emotionally I'm comfy. There's a comfort level to being, to being this. So I have to deal with that. And but it's about wanting to change all of that. I want to be more positive. I want to live more positively because that's the whole thing. I'm not living positively here. I'm breathing, but I'm not living positively. And I don't want to sound like, you know, Instagram influence or weirdo, but, you know, but, but it's just like, you know, there's, I want to live for, I want to do stuff. I miss doing stuff in simple terms. That to me is, you know, when you don't go anywhere, here you go there. You're at home.

That's it. You don't go do stuff. I don't go have a drink at a bar, you know, that kind of thing. It's like, so just going and doing stuff and feeling a little bit better. And there's nothing Instagram influencer-y about just wanting to be able to live life the way that you want to live it. Yeah. I mean, I still remember like, Beth, when I was younger, the dreams that I had and the things that I wanted to do. So yeah, I'd like to kind of, maybe not specifically those dreams up, but just be able to dream again, right? Be able to aspire to something, be able to, you know, want to go after accomplishments and things of that nature.

And like, that to me is the most important part. And if this can jumpstart that and help me a tool to use to help that, then I'm all for it. Should we inject the first dose? Yeah. Okay. Well, at least one of the side effects could be depression. It's good to laugh at it. You know, choose your injection site. So upper arm stomach. Even dramatic stomach. Okay. You go upper arm, but why go upper arm? I'm going to do the stomach. All right. For the listeners out there, Jason is going to inject the shot now. All right. We've taken the first shot. Yeah. You feel better already? Feel good. You know, I'm my lip scraped this morning for my oxygen.

So I'm more in pain on my mouth. Okay. Yeah. But yeah, but it's good. Yeah. It's not like a gnarly, huge needle. And so it felt like a little prick, a tiny prick. Tiny prick. Yes. Oh, there's my son. We're here. He's in the middle school now. It's just one joke out here another. It's got to be fun. Yeah. Because you're kind of remembering just how awful your humor was back then. Oh, it's it is so much fun. But it's hilarious. But it's also kind of funny. It's also still kind of funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He channels the same type of humor that I had at that time. All right. We'll do a subsequent interview.

Okay. And check in and just see how the process is going. And we'll just be in touch to find the right time to do that when something has changed. I'll do little I'll do updates and stuff like that. I'm sure I'll shoot a few updates. I'm not a big selfie camera guy, but you know, we'll we'll make we'll actually show some stuff. I'll step out of my comfort zone. Yeah. Come on. Maybe who knows? Maybe there there is a grimace YouTube channel out there in the future. I mean, oh, it just be story time. I'll just tell I'll tell all the stories about you know, back. Yes. That have happened to me in story time with Uncle Grimace.

Now, for those of you that don't know you personally, like I do, I just refer to you as grimace. Yes. Your name is Jason McGee. Yes, it is. Can you just tell us the story of how you came to earn the nickname Grimace? Oh, boy. So freshman year at college, the soccer team had their what we call freshman initiation. Now, we've moved on as a society from that in that we don't do those things anymore. Right. And the initiation was essentially a party where we would get where the older team would you know, teammates would get drunk. And for us, it was always like a rebellion kind of thing because it was during what the college team dry week, right, which meant there was no alcohol on campus.

Yeah. So my roommate and great friend, Eric Dugan, who I went there to play with, he was like, well, tonight's freshman initiation. And, you know, I know you haven't drank that much in high school because I wasn't a big drinker at all. I think I got drunk maybe once off a champagne, a prom. Okay. But other than that, I had never had drank or anything like that. He said, no, he said, like, trust me, you know, you're gonna eat something on your stomach. And me thinking, he's a Dugan. He's been here before. He knows what he's talking about. So we go to now in Claremont, there's a special special burger place.

And it's right next to there's an in and out. And it's, you know, always busy in and out, classic California burger. And with this place that he took me was called Easy Out. And it was across the street. Right there, I think on footy hill. He was on footy hill. On footy hill. Yeah. A stone's throw away from possibly the CD, a strip club in California deja vu, which, you know, I'm sure was run by some, you know, 1% motorcycle club. And he takes me easy out, which is like the sad knockoff of in and out. It's the sad knockoff. The meat there, the most questionable. I'm not, it was definitely meat, but it was probably a step above dog food.

I was starving, right? And remember, at this time we're running, you know, I'm playing soccer just in a game or a practice six miles a day. Really hard, tough, tough workouts. I eat two easy out double burgers, not double doubles, but easy out double burgers. Right. Sketchy, gross tomato. And I remember this entire thing sketchy, gross tomato, you know, half half ass Russian dressing with like, so it didn't have the, didn't have the relish in it. It was just tomato and old mayo had to be. And just the nastiest, stalest bun ever. And I powered it all down and got my first beer in me in the passenger seat and we were off to the races.

Now, binging. This is when, you know, when you're sitting there and you realize that, okay, this is binge drinking. This is a college phenomenon. And it happens. And so we have the party. It's on campus, which is sketchy enough because campus security. And it's our team and the women's soccer team together combined. Well, the party starts and I come into the thing just hammered. And it's a little bit too big and had gotten a bottle of gold schlogger. So for the kids think fireball, like classy. Because it had gold flakes in it. So flex a goal of dancing. Give us a little credit. I'm not even high.

But it's cinnamon flavored liqueur. It's thick. It's disgusting. It's only meant to be consumed by people 18 to 24. It's not made for an old repellent. And that had, so I came into the party and personally, and I'm ready to go. I know everybody, I get along with everybody, but it was still a freshman and you still got to go through your paces and do the whole thing. And so they're just fiend, fiend us alcohol, fiend us alcohol. I keep wanting to take more shots. I'm having a blast. And eventually I end up in the shower and that easy out meal ends up next to me. Yes. And I'm wearing a little of it.

And the problem is that it didn't digest. So it came back up almost whole. And you can see that there was a burger in my recent past, but also this humongous grid on my face. And oh, I forgot. They had shaved my head. Prior to the bathroom, they had shaved my head and my eyebrow, which, okay, weird, but sure. And they had written things in marker on me, all in good fun, nothing, nothing at all like mean spirited or anything, which is good fun. And my shaved head and my smile with the burger, one of the team's leaders, Timmy Kang, fantastic man, wonderful human being in San Francisco. He's a doctor.

He came up and he said, you look like Grimace with the shaved head and the smile on my face. So that stuck. And this is Grimace. Grimace D. McDonald's purple character, the Yuga that recently came up with their own shake. That was absolutely disgusting. Of course I tried it. That was how I've been known as Grimace. And that name has stuck in terms of everyone that we're around. In fact, all of your wives call me Grimace. Yeah. Not Jason. I have never known you as Jason because I transferred in the next year and you were Grimace by that time. That's how I was introduced to you. It was Grimace and it just, I think it comes, there's a drunken smile that I get on my face that I don't have naturally.

I'm not a big like gritting from ear to ear kind of person. But when I drink, that's how I, so was the Grimace smile kind of thing. And that's how the name evolved. And it's stuck in our old coach even calls me Grimace to this day. Yes. That's something Bill's voice. But yeah. So that's how that name came about. There we go. All right. All right. Well, I cannot wait to do an update in the near future. Thank you for this. This was fantastic. This was fun. Yeah. I mean, that was, there was actually like really cool. Like I learned a lot about you that I did not know. Yeah. No, those are the, what you learned today that the part about my dad was a, was a, you know, that's an onion.

Yeah. That's the heart of the onion that layers don't, that I never usually talked about. Right. Yeah. But it's part of, part of me. I'm glad you got the ear. Thank you. Thank you for sharing all this seriously. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you for creating a space for me to share that. I appreciate that. I really do think that's a message that the whole thing, the struggle, all the issues with it and the hope for the future. Like that's, that's a message a lot of people need to hear. I mean, it's just, no matter what people are going through, whether it's obesity or something else, something else.

We all go through something. Hey, everybody. Until next time, ask questions. Don't accept the status quo and be curious.