Guide
What should a parent do if their teen is being sextorted?
Brandon Guffey lost his 17-year-old son Gavin to an online sextortion scam in 2022 and then wrote the South Carolina law that carries Gavin's name. What NCMEC says to do in the first hour, what Guffey tells parents to do before anything happens, and what the laws do and do not do.
This guide discusses suicide and the online sexual exploitation of a minor. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, US), text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line), or find help where you live at findahelpline.com.
The short answer
If it is happening right now, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's guidance is short: get help before deciding whether to pay, because cooperating or paying rarely stops the blackmail; block the account but do not delete the profile or the messages, because they help stop the blackmailer; report the account on the platform and to NCMEC's CyberTipline; and use NCMEC's Take It Down service to get an image removed. Then there is the part only a parent can do, and Brandon Guffey learned it the hardest way there is. Someone posing as a college volleyball player messaged his son Gavin a little after midnight with the words Hey, you're cute. Once Gavin sent an image, at 12:40 a.m., the demands for money began. Gavin sent $25 and begged them to wait until Monday. At 1:40 a.m. he took his life. Guffey says his son died of shame, and that the thing Gavin was missing was grace: should he have sent a picture, no; does that mean his life should end, no. So the work for a parent happens before the first message. Have the conversation early, and make it clear that nothing a child could send is worse than not coming to you.
Step by step
Have the conversation now, not after ▶101:51
Guffey's first answer for parents of teenagers is to talk before anything happens. He says the average age at which a child first sees hardcore pornography is now 10, so the conversation is not too early. His line for parents who find it awkward: if you're too scared to talk to them, imagine how scared they will be to talk to you if something does happen.
Replace the warning with grace ▶40:28
In 2022 the standard parental warning was that whatever you do online stays with you forever. Guffey thinks that message is part of what killed his son, because it leaves a child with no way back. He asks parents to picture their own most shameful moment at that age, then imagine every school in the community knowing, with the images to prove it. His alternative is the one he now gives teens: we all make mistakes, none of us is perfect, and a mistake is not the end of a life.
Know what the first message looks like ▶15:06
The account that reached Gavin presented as a freshman volleyball player, opened with a compliment, moved to flirting, then proposed truth or dare and sent images first. The moment Gavin sent one back, the account began demanding money and threatening to send the image to every Instagram and Snapchat contact he had. The whole thing, from first message to his death, took an hour and forty minutes.
Expect the same account to come back for the rest of the family ▶16:52
During the week of Gavin's funeral, the same operation, now using the same name with a different number, was extorting Gavin's 16-year-old brother and a 14-year-old cousin with Gavin's images, and posting on Gavin's own Instagram page. Guffey turned every message over to the FBI, state investigators and local police. If one child in a family has been targeted, the siblings and cousins on the same friend lists are next, and they need to hear it from you.
Treat shared images of minors as the crime they are ▶57:04
Guffey stresses that it does not matter what a state's age of consent is: an intimate image of anyone under 18 is child sexual abuse material. A 16-year-old who forwards a classmate's picture because it seems funny is distributing it, and that is a serious crime. He says this to teens bluntly, and it is a conversation parents can have before a phone is ever involved.
Get them through the first 24 hours ▶75:28
At a mental health forum after Gavin's death, Guffey heard that most suicides are impulsive and that the decision can take about 20 minutes. What he holds on to is the other side of that: if someone makes it past 24 hours, their odds go up tremendously. That is the whole idea behind the phrase he now puts everywhere, tomorrow needs you. Tomorrow might not be awesome, he says, but it is going to suck a lot less than it does right now.
Use the removal tools, and know their limits ▶55:44
Under the Take It Down Act, which Guffey worked on with Senators Cruz and Klobuchar, a platform has 48 hours to remove a reported intimate image once it is reported, whether the image is real or made with AI. NCMEC's Take It Down service handles images taken when the person was under 18. Guffey calls the law a first step, not the best law, and does not expect the platforms to police this on their own.
“if you're too scared to talk to them, imagine how scared they will be to talk to you if something does happen”
Brandon Guffey, in the video
Key moments
- ▶15:06Hey, you're cute: how the first message read
- ▶15:3612:40 a.m.: the blackmail starts the moment an image is sent
- ▶16:52The week of the funeral, the same account targets his 16-year-old and a 14-year-old cousin
- ▶29:13The idea that became Gavin's Law: make the Department of Education teach every student what sextortion is
- ▶30:07Why the law was written not to put 15 years on a teenager who threatens an ex out of anger
- ▶37:44The Yahoo Boys of Lagos, and why teenage boys became the target
- ▶39:56He died of shame: the case for grace over warnings
- ▶48:02Meta took one account down and left the linked ones up
- ▶55:44What the Take It Down Act does: 48 hours to remove a reported image, real or AI
- ▶57:10Under 18, an intimate image is child sexual abuse material in every state
- ▶76:44Past 24 hours, the odds go up tremendously
- ▶101:51What he would tell every parent
- ▶104:2964,000 sextortion accounts removed from Instagram in one day in August 2024, and his question about it
If it is happening right now
The steps below are NCMEC's, from its sextortion page, and they are the ones to follow in the first hour. Get help before deciding whether to pay money or otherwise comply, because cooperating or paying rarely stops the blackmail. Report the account through the platform's safety feature. Block the suspect, but do not delete your child's profile or the messages, because they can help stop the blackmailer. Report to NCMEC's CyberTipline so the information reaches the right law enforcement agency, and use Take It Down to get the images removed from the internet. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911.
Then tell the siblings and cousins. The operation that reached Gavin came back during the week of his funeral for his 16-year-old brother and a 14-year-old cousin, using Gavin's images, under the same name with the number changed from 28 to 30. Guffey only connected it when his son walked out of his bedroom angry at a number he did not recognize.
What the laws do and do not do
Gavin's Law, South Carolina's H.3583, was signed on May 18, 2023. It makes sexual extortion a felony, adds up to 15 years when great bodily harm or death results, and requires the state Department of Education to teach every student what sextortion is. That last part came from the House minority leader, a defense attorney Guffey had been shouting at, who asked him why he was going school to school with his foundation and then suggested the state do it instead. The same attorneys talked him out of putting the maximum penalty on a teenager who threatens an ex out of anger, which Guffey accepted when he thought about what he would want for his own son. The final House roll call in the statehouse record is 100 to 0, and he says a senator who disliked him asked for the whole Senate's name on it so the name Gavin's Law could never be challenged.
The federal Take It Down Act gives a platform 48 hours to remove a reported intimate image, real or AI-generated. Guffey worked on it with Senators Cruz and Klobuchar, and the first lady made it her first initiative after deepfake images of two teenage girls. He calls it a first step and not the best law.
The Kids Online Safety Act, which would have put a duty of care on platforms that know a product is harming children, passed the Senate 91 to 3 and never reached the House floor. Guffey describes hearing lobbyists in a Capitol bathroom say that nothing was going to move. His conclusion is that parents cannot wait for the platforms or Congress, and should speak up to their elected officials and demand protections.
The conversation to have before anything happens
Guffey's message to parents is the same one he gives teens: tomorrow needs you. He asks parents to be the example of grace, because when children watch adults kick people who are down and withhold forgiveness, they learn that a mistake is final. He wants teens to know they are under attack and are not alone, and he wants them armed with the tools before a stranger messages them at midnight.
He is clear that keeping a child off devices is not an answer when schools hand out tablets, and that the problem is not a child's choice. The answer he settled on is the one he wishes he had reached in time: a child who can tell you anything, and a parent who has said out loud that nothing they could send is worse than not coming home.
Method and sources: Everything attributed to Brandon Guffey is from his conversation with Nick Standlea on The Nick Standlea Show, published November 3, 2026, with timestamps into the video. The what-to-do steps are NCMEC's, from its sextortion page and its Take It Down service. The Gavin's Law dates are from the South Carolina Statehouse bill record for H.3583.
Sources and references
- NCMEC on sextortion the what-to-do steps: get help before paying, block but do not delete, report
- NCMEC CyberTipline where to report
- Take It Down image removal for anyone whose images were taken under 18
- South Carolina H.3583, Gavin's Law bill record; signed by the governor May 18, 2023
- Less Than Three Foundation Brandon Guffey's foundation
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline call or text 988 in the US
Related guides
Questions people ask
Should we pay the person threatening our child?
NCMEC's guidance is to get help before deciding whether to pay or comply, because paying rarely stops the blackmail. In Gavin's case the demands kept coming after he sent $25 and asked them to wait until Monday.
Should we delete the account or the messages?
No. NCMEC says to block the suspect but not to delete the profile or the messages, because they help stop the blackmailer. When the same account came after Gavin's brother and cousin, Guffey handed every message to law enforcement.
Where do we report sextortion?
Report the account through the platform's own safety feature, and report to NCMEC's CyberTipline at report.cybertip.org. If a child is in immediate danger, call 911. NCMEC's call center is 1-800-THE-LOST.
How do we get an image taken down?
NCMEC's Take It Down service, at takeitdown.ncmec.org, helps remove or stop the sharing of explicit images taken when the person was under 18. Under the Take It Down Act, a platform has 48 hours to remove a reported intimate image, real or AI-generated.
What is sextortion?
A scammer, usually posing as a peer, gets an intimate image and then threatens to send it to the victim's contacts unless paid. Guffey says it began with teenage girls, whose images were then used to extort teenage boys for money, and that organized groups in Nigeria and the Ivory Coast run it at scale, ten or fifteen teenagers a night.
What is Gavin's Law?
South Carolina's H.3583, signed by the governor on May 18, 2023 and named for Gavin Guffey. It makes sexual extortion a felony, adds up to 15 years when great bodily harm or death results, and requires the Department of Education to teach students what sextortion is. The statehouse record shows the final House vote at 100 to 0, and Guffey says the Senate passed it unanimously, within four months of his taking office.
Is my child in legal trouble for sending a picture?
Guffey's own law was deliberately written so that a teenager who makes a threat out of anger does not face the maximum penalty meant for the scammers. But he is blunt that an intimate image of anyone under 18 is child sexual abuse material regardless of a state's age of consent, so a teen who forwards someone else's image is committing a serious crime. The point of talking early is that a child who has been targeted is a victim and needs to know they can come to you.
Can we trust the platforms to handle it?
Guffey says the first account that attacked Gavin came down quickly once law enforcement called Meta, but the linked accounts stayed up and went on to extort his other son, a cousin, and about a dozen other teens. He notes that in August 2024 Meta announced it had removed 64,000 sextortion accounts out of Lagos in one day, and asks why it took that long. In his experience TikTok responds fastest when he reports a problem and Meta does not reply at all.
This guide is drawn from a full conversation on the show.
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